I have decided to find a sense of zen when it comes to Timothy's sleeping patterns. (As much as one can "decide" to be zen.) It occurred to me today. There are endless "sleep solution" books out there, each proclaiming to have THE answer to you baby's inability to sleep (or more likely, the books would have it, your inability to get your baby to sleep).
Sleep solutions, I have decided, are like religions. The followers of each believe that their way is THE way. Well, I've opted out of religion, so I'm opting out of solving Tim's sleep, too. So there.
Which isn't to say I'm not going to try hard to get Tim to nap, or go to bed at a decent hour, or sleep as much as possible in the night. Of course we'll do that; it's common sense. Common sense! What a concept! I got a piece of advice about baby sleep early on from a good friend, which basically boils down to: put him to bed when he's tired; if he cries, pick him up to reassure him that it's okay, but then put him back down. And repeat until he gets used to just falling asleep on the first go. Kinda makes sense, huh? Like, common sense? Yet at the time, it kind of sounded like rocket science to me, because it's so simple. And I'd been prepared for "getting baby to sleep" to actually be about as complex as rocket science. At any rate, this is the advice I have used, and it works (as much as anything baby-related works). Thank you, Trix!
(Turns out, having flipped through a few "sleep solution" guides, this is the sort information they are providing. With a lot of marketing spin.)
Anyway, I'm going to be thinking more of Tim as a person rather than something to be managed. (Granted, a person who's not very good at acting on his fatigue.) If he gets hungry in the night, I'll feed him. If he needs to be attached to me in order to get the nap he needs during the day, I'll put him in the wrap. He's going to be beyond the baby stage, beyond the napping stage, so soon that I won't even remember what sort of sleep solution worked for us.
But anyway, when you're this cute after waking up from a nap, who cares if the nap was only 20 minutes long?
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I should note that I can say all this because I'm not sleep deprived any more. Relatively speaking, anyway. I get up once or twice in the night with Tim, and it doesn't seem to affect my day. So whatever is it we're doing -- even if the baby isn't sleeping from seven to seven each night -- is probably good enough for us.
I should also note that the thoughts described in this post were triggered by an encounter with a mom (of a little one almost exactly Tim's age, also her firstborn) who knew exactly what I should do to get my kid to do what her kid is doing, and told me so (on feeding, sleep solving, losing the babyweight, the whole deal). Grrr. Arrgh. I was so bugged. And even more so because I thought of all my comebacks later (while I was running circles around her on the frisbee field. Ha.)
Final note: if I've ever said anything to a mom that indicated -- in words or tone -- that I knew better, or disapproved of your way, or anything of the sort, I sincerely apologize and promise to try to never do it again. This shit is personal!
Sleep solutions, I have decided, are like religions. The followers of each believe that their way is THE way. Well, I've opted out of religion, so I'm opting out of solving Tim's sleep, too. So there.
Which isn't to say I'm not going to try hard to get Tim to nap, or go to bed at a decent hour, or sleep as much as possible in the night. Of course we'll do that; it's common sense. Common sense! What a concept! I got a piece of advice about baby sleep early on from a good friend, which basically boils down to: put him to bed when he's tired; if he cries, pick him up to reassure him that it's okay, but then put him back down. And repeat until he gets used to just falling asleep on the first go. Kinda makes sense, huh? Like, common sense? Yet at the time, it kind of sounded like rocket science to me, because it's so simple. And I'd been prepared for "getting baby to sleep" to actually be about as complex as rocket science. At any rate, this is the advice I have used, and it works (as much as anything baby-related works). Thank you, Trix!
(Turns out, having flipped through a few "sleep solution" guides, this is the sort information they are providing. With a lot of marketing spin.)
Anyway, I'm going to be thinking more of Tim as a person rather than something to be managed. (Granted, a person who's not very good at acting on his fatigue.) If he gets hungry in the night, I'll feed him. If he needs to be attached to me in order to get the nap he needs during the day, I'll put him in the wrap. He's going to be beyond the baby stage, beyond the napping stage, so soon that I won't even remember what sort of sleep solution worked for us.
But anyway, when you're this cute after waking up from a nap, who cares if the nap was only 20 minutes long?
.JPG)
I should note that I can say all this because I'm not sleep deprived any more. Relatively speaking, anyway. I get up once or twice in the night with Tim, and it doesn't seem to affect my day. So whatever is it we're doing -- even if the baby isn't sleeping from seven to seven each night -- is probably good enough for us.
I should also note that the thoughts described in this post were triggered by an encounter with a mom (of a little one almost exactly Tim's age, also her firstborn) who knew exactly what I should do to get my kid to do what her kid is doing, and told me so (on feeding, sleep solving, losing the babyweight, the whole deal). Grrr. Arrgh. I was so bugged. And even more so because I thought of all my comebacks later (while I was running circles around her on the frisbee field. Ha.)
Final note: if I've ever said anything to a mom that indicated -- in words or tone -- that I knew better, or disapproved of your way, or anything of the sort, I sincerely apologize and promise to try to never do it again. This shit is personal!
1 comment:
isn't the best piece advice not to listen to anyone's advice? heh. it is personal. it's all about picking and choosing what works for you and tim.
i think it is also natural to react when you hear a mom say they do something that goes against what is working for you. a strong sense of solidarity makes you want to improve things for the new mom - more sleep! who wouldn't want that? - it is hard to shut that side down.
you'll get a lot (oh so much) unsolicited advice and you'll dish it out in the name of caring and friendship. I try to preface my adivce with "what i found really helpful" or "what worked for us" but probably don't every time.
i think each individual has a limit, a very personal limit but a limit, where you can not longer take certain things. the limits are around things like how long to breast feed, sleeping through the night, etc. My limit for night feedings was around 5 months. and then we did what was right for us to get the kid to sleep through the night. i am slightly appalled when friends are back to work and still getting up twice a night to get their kid a bottle or a feed. but whatever. they haven't hit their limit yet so i try to shut it, hopefully making encouraging and sympathetic noises.
Motherhood is very judgey. No matter how hard you try, you will judge. I guess we just need to be more zen about it :)
you're doing great HK. You know your baby. Trust your gut.
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