A holy cave

The other day I ran out of memory on the disk in our camera, so I popped it into the computer to clean it out. It had pictures and videos from the past year. I was surprised to discover a series of three video files documenting the actual birth of Timothy. There I was, up close and personal, delivering Tim. I assume the second midwife took the footage, because McPie was there holding my head/hands, and Nadia's gloved ones hovered occasionally, checking heartrates and whatnot. (When I showed it to McPie, it was new as well because it was taken from, er, the opposite angle.)

I wouldn't have thought I'd have wanted that event videotaped. But I am so glad to have it. My memory of the event is so limited -- limited to about a six inch radius around my head (visually), and the completely primeval instincts that made my body go. I've been creating "memories" based on McPie's recollections of it, but my own recollection consists of just sensory perceptions.

On reviewing the footage, one of the things that strikes me about the event is the serenity of it. The room is darkened, I'm relaxing (er, "relaxing") in a large tub of water. There is minimal speaking; when there is talk, it is a calm murmuring. At a certain point, Tim's head is completely exposed, and we are all just relaxing quietly, waiting for the final contraction that will expel the rest of his body from mine. When it happens, he is suddenly wholly in the world, and instantly slid into my arms. (And I say, totally stunned, "It's a baby!" Like I was expecting some other conclusion to my trial?) The video ends with the yet unnamed "Mister Little Baby" still in my arms... where he stayed until it was time to deliver his placenta. At which point the midwives bade McPie to take off his shirt, so that MLB could be transferred to his arms without missing out on any skin-to-skin contact. It was hours later that Nadia returned to weigh the baby, and check him out (other than the initial Apgar, which was performed while I held him in the water).

I am reminded how lucky we were, to have the experience of delivering Tim in what McPie says felt like a "holy cave". No bright lights, no extra voices, no hands whisking him away for "medical" stuff.

And I'm completely amazed at how this:

Suddenly became this.

And in a blink of an eye, I'll be posting a picture of him walking to school on his first day...