Gone?

Findley, our sweet and sour little kitty, has been ailing for some months now. We didn't really notice at first - he was just acting a little "older". Looking a little scruffier, sleeping a bit more. A month or so ago, we noticed him stumbling a little, and instead of hopping lightly onto our laps, he was climbing (squirrel-like). A trip to the vet yielded little, other than the speculation that he might have some sort of neurological disease, or brain tumour. Which would be undiagnosable without a (wait for it) catscan. (Ba-da-boom! McPie loves that one. For some reason.)

Since then, we've just been watching him carefully, and coddling/cuddling him with abandon. In the past couple of weeks, Findley's taken to sleeping constantly, up in the spare room. We moved a litter box up there for his convenience, and have been carrying him downstairs occasionally. He has still been wanting lap time - when we crouch to pet him, he climbs on - for comfort we presume.

We've known his time is approaching, and have been watching to make sure he's not in obvious pain or serious distress. We'd rather he stay where he's familiar and comfortable than take him to the dreaded vet, if possible.

But last night, I put Finner on McPie's chest to cozy up while we watched some Buffy. Findley was slightly more alert than usual - and seemed to be a bit restless. His trembling was more pronounced. He stayed for awhile, then meowed a few times (unusual lately) and hopped down and slunk away. It was the most activity we'd seen from him in days.

We haven't seen Findley since. And we've looked high and low. Like, everywhere. He's tiny and can fit in little bitty nooks. And although weakened of late, he's able to open drawers to crawl into. I know this is just what cats do, but I did have idealistic visions of cuddling him in his last moments...

McPie is home sick today, and suspects that he'll be the one to find Finner, because "it's always the husband"... We'll see.

Meanwhile, I'll be thinking pleasant thoughts all day about my little companion who I've had with me (for better or worse) most closely and consistently since I settled here in my grown-up life...