Hammer time

Thank you thank you for your comments on my last post.

I guess times like these let you see how flexible, spontaneous, stoic, and/or understanding people are. I guess I mean "we" - the family. We're facing an enormous change, and there is much preparation to be done. Now that the doctor's visits and the move to the palliative care home have been completed, the preparation that remains is emotional, interpersonal, relational.

The funny thing is, I'm pretty sure it's not Baba who has the work to do. She really seems to be on top of it. For example, my sister was packing up Baba's belongings, and Mom was on the phone with Baba at the same time, and Julie and Mom are both crying. Baba, laughing "Why are you girls crying?!?!"

It's the rest of us. We have work to do for ourselves and for each other. I can only speak for myself: my work is going to involve spending as much time as I can with Baba, and figuring out how to let her go. And doing my part to help everyone through. Personally, I believe (though perhaps naively, as I have little experience with this) that this situation can be approached with optimism and joy. The challenge, of course, is figuring out how and where to find those elements, and figuring out how (in god's name) to incorporate them into the pain of loss.

My little sister spent the past week in Hamilton, doing the final stages of the doctor appointments, keeping Baba company, and at the end of her stay, she moved Baba to Emmanual House, a palliative care home. Having spent a mere two days in a similar way, I know how exhausting this is. Not that hanging with Baba is arduous at all, but there's an underlying stress that comes with seeing someone you love in a state of constant discomfort and trying to act "normal" about it. Also, did I mention the suckage factor of institutional food? (Happily, Emmanual House has awesome homemade food that Baba's been gorging on.) Anyway, I don't know how my sister did it for a whole week. She is unbelievably stoic.

Also, it sounds like Baba insisted that Julie's fella (who was also in town for part of the week) take her engagement ring-shopping. She may have also forced the couple to set a wedding date. Scott could hardly deny a lady her dying wish, now could he? Yah Baba!

My mother flew to Hamilton yesterday to stay indefinitely. (Well, to stay until there's nothing left to stay for.) She's leaving the Inn in the capable hands of my sister. But my sister won't be alone. My DAD is going out to Canning to help Julie with the Inn. And more importantly, to keep her company while she is by herself, away from the action. So far, he's planning to stay for three weeks. I hope hope hope hope that they'll be able to visit Baba again.

Sweetie McPie is taking over at home with the kids this weekend so I can join my mother for a couple of days. He's looking forward to hanging out with my Dad, who will be staying at our place the night before heading to NS. (I wasn't sure I'd be home for this visit. When I asked McPie if he'd considered looking after Dad in my absence, he was like "Of course! He's my Dad!") He's onboard (without reservations) on making the trip to the Hammer as much as we need to (together as often as we can) in the coming days.

The kids' moms have assured us that they'll swoop in and take the kids if we need to be away, even though they are up to their necks in new house renos, new jobs, and a new longer commute to school.

I'm so proud: my family is amazing. When this kind of love and support comes to readily and unconditionally, it's impossible not to be joyful.