What a loaded word, "should". It connotes stress (I should do this...), guilt or regret (I should have done that), and judgement (you should do this, should have done that). It dissociates ability from responsibility. I am still responsible, but I am not able.
I wonder how much the way we throw around language like this forms the way we think and act (or vice versa). Would I feel less stressed about how busy my upcoming week is looking, or less guilty about all the things I didn't get accomplished on the weekend, if I didn't give myself the responsibility without building in the ability to do those things - with the simple statement "I should"? You could say the same about ideas: "I shouldn't feel this way about her." Wouldn't it be better to actually banish the thought, or give permission to have the thought... rather than feeling regretful about something you can't (or can't seem to) change?
We have recently banned the word from our house. (Kids not included; this is an adult abstraction!) It's an attempt to organize our lives AND minds. To get organized, prioritized.
For example, we're trying to avoid saying "I should go for a run on Sunday". Make a decision already! Am I going to or not? Do it, or don't even plan to do it, or I'll end up disappointed (I should have...)
Possibly, if we don't allow ourselves to say it, we'll stop thinking that way. If I can, I will; if I can't, I won't. Seems so simple...
2 comments:
The words you speak absolutely carve your world. There is a whole branch on linguistics that studies the way each language compartimentalizes the world. That is one of the thing that makes translation challenging. No two languages cover the same spectrum. So when you say that using "should" has an impact on you - hell yes! Posiitive words do translate into positive thoughts and actions. Keep us informed on your progress.
huh. interesting. i should try that. heh. seriously, i'll give it a whirl and report back.
Post a Comment