Keeping vigil

I've been having much trouble finding the time and energy to post lately. So I'm going to recycle some material by way of an update. If you recognize this text... um, hope you don't mind!

Got a call from my mother a week ago Wednesday, and it seems that Baba was on her last legs, and so off we went (McPie and I), to be there for the end. (We were supposed to have kids for the long weekend, but the moms covered for us gracefully, as promised.) By the we arrived on Wednesday night, Baba seemed to have rallied, and and though SHE was ready to go, her body wasn't quite.

So, although the trip turned out differently than expected (I brought funeral clothes but didn't wear them), it was wonderful to be there with the family, especially once my sister arrived on Monday - we had some memorable visits. We also enjoyed a magnificent turkey* dinner grâce à mon oncle Michael, which we had at the hospice with some of the patients and staff.

If I could, I'd have stayed till the end, but because we can't tell when that will be, I came home.

Although she mostly slept or was often too dazed to be really conscious, we had many moments with Baba where she was with us completely - listening, helping to pick hymns for her "celebration of life", still joking around. It's so frustrating - you're pleased that she's not dead, but you know she wants to be and you can't stay forever while her body holds on.

Apparently, Baba has declined dramatically since Wednesday. I stopped in to say good-bye to her at 7 AM before my flight back, but she was sleeping. However, she told mom later that she knew I was there. Mom's been calling with 12 hour updates. I called at noon today and Baba and I exchanged more "good-bye, I love yous" (Baba in her barely audible whisper). Maybe I'll get to do it again tomorrow.

I know it's not the same as losing a parent (or someone taken too soon), but still... it's Baba. I'm so lucky to be experiencing this so late in my life -- it means I've been blessed with a grandmother who I could know (and begin to understand and appreciate) as an adult.

My family is awesome. They find just the right amount of humour in everything - so it's emotional, but not crushing. My sister can get Baba a-giggling, even on her deathbed. Everyone is sticking together, and really appreciating that we have this time together, since we're normally spread out across the country.

For now, we are back at home, looking forward to a very quiet weekend of doing NOTHING, except maybe lying on the couch. Oh! Oh! And a hair cut. TONIGHT. I'm a month overdue. I had to cancel last week due to Baba. I'm so very excited. The little things keep you going. ;-)

* Next time I cook a turkey -- which I keep typing as "turnkey" btw -- I'm going to brine it overnight before roasting. Michael did this (his first time trying it, too), with simply magnificent results. I've never eaten tenderer turkey. His stuffing kicked ass too, and he didn't even put it in the bird. And that was just one highlight of bunking for 6 nights with a chef. The ribs need a post of their own!